the allison files.

Stregga Notte

Strega

During the day there is nothing,

Until there is night,

Then there is everything.

The Palm Reader

He grabbed my hand and pinched the lines of my skin and asked,

Why don’t you choose to feel in this world like you once did?

I replied with my heartbreak but I knew I had disgraced him.

The Jellyfish Sting

It was the day we spent at the beach I realised we had never been friends but rather something else entirely,

I didn’t know how to move my body because you were all hips and soft lips,

A sharp shell cut your thigh open and you didn't let me stop the bleeding,

The blood trickled down to your ankle and you thought it looked beautiful, like a jellyfish sting you said,

It was in that moment I felt as though I was drowning in quicksand and stinging anger started bubbling out of me like sea foam,

The person I was with you,

I had never met before.

A Wild Thing


You answered the door decorated in glitter and bruises,

My body revolted in anger but you smiled callously at my response,

I asked what on god's earth you were chasing and will you ever find it,

You kissed my ear and melted into me like a wine stain as you whispered,

"Just for one night let yourself be a wild thing".

Invisible


The last time I stood next to you by a mirror I could no longer see myself in the reflection,

I lost my breath as I could only see you,

I had become nothing but a personified shadow standing next to someone living so free,

I reached out to touch your face nervous my hand would fall through you like a dream,

I should of asked you how long I had,

Before you looked in the mirror and could no longer see me too.

Roots

I like to lie on the floor to reduce myself to the ceaseless immateriality of what I feel,

Yet I’m reminded every time I’m something that persists on staying whole.

Expansion

The walls are dripping in maple syrup,

It's my growth,

I can feel myself expanding,

Like roots, like moonlight, like blood,

I want to run and slip down the edges of the earth,


Where does the earth begin and end,

Where do I begin and end?

Thin Places

Something is waiting beyond the horizon,

It’s the door to the underworld,

It terrifies me like you do,

Because you whisper to me I do not belong,

I belong where the veil is thin you say,


Beyond the horizon,

Through the door to the underworld,

Where my ancestors sing and bathe in moonlight and sin.

Impermanence

I ran so fast the night the ocean swallowed the sun,

My legs burned and stung and I couldn’t breathe,

I tried to stop it for you,

But the wind caught it first and whispered to me of one million sunsets I wouldn’t see.

Inexistent

Stop mocking me with your compliments,

While you indulge in our friendship,

I lament in the torture of it.

Trials

You discovered I am made out of volcano dust,

Covered in winter moss,

Laid in the soil of the earth searching for something I don’t understand yet,

In Springs wake the wattles watch me sun myself like the cold-blooded creature I've become.

Cravings


You cooked me a meal that tasted like a memory,

I think it was from sometime in Italy,

Do you remember how the peach juice ran off my chin and fed the hungry ants,

I asked, why can’t you love me like that?

Surrender


Drowning in my grief,

Of lost time, of lost people,

I stumbled upon a shell in the forest,

Just as adrift and misplaced as my whereabouts,

I knew I had to bury the sea fossil into the earth's soil,

Along with my grief,

Of lost time, of lost people.

The Light

It’s 12:40 am again,
Two seagulls are fighting on the street and I’m paying to sit in a strangers car, 

She grabs my hand and squeezes it when I realise,
It’s starting to feel like Video Ezy Friday nights again,

Not happiness, 
But something deeper,
Something in the stomach, 
Something buried that glows,

The stranger makes a left turn,

I’ve made it to the other side. 

Walls

Last night you told me that you remember when I was heavy, made up of occupied space and reverence,

It's true,

That now I am light, whiplashed and war-torn,

Like a piece of glass amongst new embraces, whispering from somewhere else,


“You cannot get close to me, no matter how hard you try”.

Bitter Taste


It was all nausea whilst I silently willed the right words to come out of you,

When the wrong ones came out instead,

It was as if you plainly asked me to cease my fantasy that you you are one in the same.

Desire

Wanting you takes up so much of me,

I disappear.

Out of reach


Summer is something just out of reach,

And what I mean to say is that you keep falling through my fingers like water,

The seeds are being planted but they're coming up dry,

Everything has an ending,

And knowing what I know now,

Turning to you to resolve the emptiness was the biggest mistake of all,

Body and soul,

Past, present and future,

If there is no you,


Where do I exist?

Flowers in the cemetery 


Today I saw you for what you are,

I could feel it again, the graveyard that lives in the back of my throat, 

The remnants of the unsaid, and the torture,

Shaking and wordless I remained, 

A silent reckoning as my tears fell backwards, 

Once again becoming the perfect atmosphere for flowers to grow. 

Salty Mother

Drowning in the passenger seat, I was blinded by headlights flooding the inky black, I moved like a school of fish being led to the arms of my mother, feet stinging as I submerged upon arrival, I screamed, “It was as if I was birthed into you, my soul less separated from you than the salt in your bodies”.

Deciduous Possession

In the afterlife, I will communicate to you via the mycelium, you will know it's my tree because the leaves will not fall without a fight, the soil will reek of my perfume, I will not let you forget me.